Hmm…can we just skip this chapter? Yes, I struggle with everything here! I said it out loud. I struggle with my own worth and how much I should take care of myself. Just trying to type how everything makes me feel is overwhelming, yet I know it is something I need to share because I know there are other moms (hopefully) who feel just like me.
I struggle with my femininity. On one hand I want to be the beautifully put together wife and mother. My hair and make-up always done perfectly with a trendy, stylish outfit. Yet, trying to achieve this, doesn’t seem practical. I mean, really, my little kids are always smearing their food or boogers all over me. Why am I doing my hair and make-up for a 2 year old? He doesn’t care how my hair looks. I would love to invest in a cute pair of shoes, but they don’t help me run after my kids. Oh, and lets talk about the time it takes to do all of these things. How do other mothers do it? Do you get up at the crack of dawn? Do you have a way to stop time? I struggle with it all. Yet, I don’t like looking ready for the gym or bed everyday.
So more days than I care to admit, I have looked like frumpy mom. I hate frumpy mom. Frumpy mom makes me feel trapped in my life. Frumpy mom is not fun to be around. I kind of get mad that my attitude and self worth comes down to hair, make-up, and a nice outfit, but sometimes it does change everything. I have more confidence when I look my best. I hate to admit this because I really wish I had confidence no matter how I looked. This past year, I have been trying to do my hair and make-up more with an outfit that looks good and is mommy friendly. It has changed my days for the better.
I also have to admit that I have been primping more now since I realized my daughter was watching me closely. She is taking mental notes from me about being a mother. I don’t want her to see motherhood negatively. I want her to see me taking care of myself and enjoying being a mother. I want her to have a healthy femininity. One where she knows how to take care of herself so she can take care of others. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I inadvertently taught her to give until she was depleted. So I am working hard to find the balance and be a good example.