Changes

I haven’t written in a while because my heart has been heavy and life has been so busy lately.  For me May/June has been busier and more emotional than Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I never thought that was possible, but here I am, almost done with the crazy time.  This morning my son finished 5th grade and was promoted to 6th grade/middle school.  I am overwhelmed at how fast the time has gone and how much he has grown.  It isn’t just how much he has grown that has gotten me choked up, but also his friends.  The same group of kids has been together since kindergarten and ALL my babies grew up and graduated.  We said good-bye today to a moment in their childhood.  I know the bonds of friendship are strong, but our shared time together will change.  I will be honest, change is hard for me!

Speaking of change, one of my closest friends, Dora, is moving across the country this Friday.  It was through her encouragement and direction that we began this blog. She has become my spiritual sister in Christ. It is amazing how fast our friendship came together in a year and half.  I’ve never quite had a friendship where Christ was the center.  It has been such a blessing that I am a little sad and angry that God is tearing her out of my life and moving her family across the country. I know she has to go, but like I said I don’t like change!

There is another situation that is breaking my heart.  One of my daughter’s friends from school was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.  This is the 3rd child that I have known to battle cancer and it’s one too many!!! My heart goes out to her and her family.  It makes me hold all my little ones a little closer and thank God for their health.  I feel guilty that I have 4 healthy children that at times I take for granted.  I know her mom and so many other moms are caring for their sick children in a hospital somewhere wishing they could have a crazy hectic family dinner together.   So I ask for prayers for my friend to be strength for her little girl.  I ask prayers for Mady that God heal her body from this cancer.

Then last Friday, I watched as my daughter’s teacher threw her kindergarten class a graduation and party.  I sat in that room and wondered how on earth the year went by and I only volunteered in there a few times.  I had big plans to be present every week like I had my older son.  Life was different back then.  I only had my daughter and she was so easy to take along anywhere.  Then the mommy guilt struck that I gave more to my son in kindergarten than I had my daughter.  Now I have 4 children and my little boys aren’t ones to sit and let me volunteer!  She is growing up fast too. I have mommy guilty for not being more  present, yet I know there is only so much I can do.

My life is busy and little ones make it challenging.  There are times I can’t wait for them to be grown up so that I can sit, relax, and breathe! Then there are times of change like today that I want to freeze time and keep them little forever.  That isn’t how life is though. We all grow up. We all change whether we like it or not. I guess it is how we face that change that matters most.  I am trying not to break down and cry too much.  I am trying to pretend that change is a good thing.  I am trying not to lament what has passed because I can’t change it.  I am trying to be present today and be excited for the what lies ahead on this journey.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Changes

  1. Fran, I so love your blog posts! This one, in particular, convicted my heart and prompted me to post a comment. I, too, am going through similar thoughts and feelings- as my youngest is graduating High School tonight! So many mixed thoughts and emotions- a whirlwind within me that has not yet stopped for a moment to just simply let me breathe. An awesome and amazing time for my youngest son- so proud of him and feel so very blessed by God for the precious gifts, especially my children, He has provided me with. So honored and humbled by their uniqueness and genuine goodness, that I know definitely comes from God Himself. Memories flow through and I have been looking through picture albums, baby blankies, childhood toys, etc. Time flies and continues to do so at a pace in which I simply cannot fathom. When I do have a second, I cannot help but just feel grateful. Grateful to God. Humbled because I know all of this is of and from Him. When the worry and panic of what the future holds for my children, I pray. I then feel the calm and reassurance from the Holy Spirit that my children are in His Hands. Motherly anxieties still come though. After all, I am only human. But, I know that ultimately, God is in control.
    So I can relate to what you are currently going through. I am there myself. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family; you are never alone and you are a great mom, wife and person. God Bless, Fran.

    • Thank you so much for commenting! Congratulations for tonight. It’s hard being a Mama, but I believe when we share ourselves, it lightens our burdens! So thankful to God and his tender care always. I am praying for your family too! Have a great night, bring tissues!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s